


Take These Threads and Try Again

by midnight_vision



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asexual Character, Established Anidala, F/M, M/M, Memory Loss, Polyamory, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2020-06-24 02:30:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19714486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnight_vision/pseuds/midnight_vision
Summary: Obi-Wan and Anakin are sent on a mission to recover stolen Jedi devices, but when Obi-Wan activates one unintentionally, he loses all memories of his strongest attachment: Anakin.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> And I’m back with another multi-chaptered Obianidala fic. I have most of it planned out, and I’m a few chapters ahead, so I’m going to try my best to update regularly.

Obi-Wan knew he shouldn’t be happy about being on a mission to recover stolen devices, not when that meant someone had broken into the Temple vault, but he would do anything to have a reprieve from the war. When they hit the third year mark two months ago, the weight on his shoulders felt heavier, and he swore the bags under his eyes became more prominent. Anakin frequently said Obi-Wan was overworked and that he never got enough sleep, something Obi-Wan had brushed off every time, but maybe Anakin was right.

“I don’t understand,” Anakin said after they entered hyperspace. “Why steal those three?”

“I’m assuming there was a reason for taking those specific items. What I’m most curious about is that all three haven’t been used in centuries. They’re obsolete.” If the thief had taken more, that definitely would have meant the devices were stolen for the purpose of selling them, and Obi-Wan didn’t have the energy to go on a wild tooka chase.

Anakin got up from the pilot’s chair and stretched. “The thief probably doesn’t want to use them for the same purposes as the Jedi had. You hungry?”

Remembering he had skipped breakfast and lunch, Obi-Wan begrudgingly admitted he should eat something. Anakin had insisted on taking the _Twilight_ since it would be more inconspicuous than any of the ships the Order possessed. Obi-Wan hated that ship, but at least Anakin kept it well-stocked with provisions. He even had Obi-Wan’s favorite tea.

It was nice to be on a mission where it was just the two of them. He did miss Ahsoka and the troopers, but he was enjoying the nostalgia of working with Anakin alone. As much as he complained to himself about what a handful Anakin was as a Padawan, he had liked spending time with the boy. Anakin had a unique perspective on most situations, which challenged Obi-Wan in ways that he felt made him a better Jedi, a better person even.

“What?” Anakin held his spoon in front of his mouth. “Why are you smiling like that?”

He’d gotten too caught up in his memories. “No reason.”

Anakin stared at him for a moment before he continued eating, but he mumbled something as he stirred his soup. When Obi-Wan asked him to repeat it, his cheeks turned pink. “I just . . . You don’t smile much these days. I’ve missed it.”

There hadn’t been anything to smile about lately. Even Ahsoka’s usual, chipper mood hadn’t emerged in months.

They finished their meal in silence. It used to be rare that Anakin went so long without talking, but as the war dragged on, the more exhausted he became. Although Anakin would deny it, Obi-Wan knew he was going to reach his limit soon. He just hoped he would be there when it happened so he could help Anakin pick up the pieces.

“If you don’t need me, I’m getting some sleep,” Anakin said as he fought back a yawn.

“Go ahead.”

His eyes narrowed slightly. “You’ll go to bed at some point too, right?”

“Yes, yes. Don’t start nagging me.” Obi-Wan appreciated his concern, but he was an adult who was fully capable of taking care of himself.

Anakin’s smile made him look years younger. “’Night, Master.”

“Good night, Anakin.”

Once Obi-Wan returned to the cockpit, he looked over their datapad again, trying to find some connection among the stolen items. Whoever had taken them did their research on how to access the vault without setting off any alarms, but thank the Force they didn’t know every device had a tracker embedded in it. They eventually noticed because the signals died about an hour before he and Anakin left the Temple. At least it gave them somewhere to start.

When he couldn’t come up with anything, he figured he might as well get a few hours of sleep. He checked in on Anakin before he went to his own bed and was relieved there was no sign of agitation on his face. Anakin suffered from nightmares every so often, and even when he wasn’t having them, it was rare that he looked so at peace. Obi-Wan had offered to listen if Anakin ever wanted to talk about his nightmares, or his worries in general, but Anakin only nodded and said he was fine.

His sleep wasn’t very restful, but Anakin was a little more energetic than he was earlier.

“Did you have a good dream?” Obi-Wan asked on their way to the cockpit.

“Sure, I think.”

“Was it about a certain senator from Naboo?”

Anakin’s face immediately turned red. “What? Master, no. Why would I— We’re only friends. That would be— It would be so inappropriate.”

Even though it was better that Obi-Wan pretended not to know about their relationship, that didn’t mean he couldn’t tease Anakin about Padmé. After all, there was nothing in the Jedi Code that said one couldn’t think a person was attractive. There was nothing in the Code about casual sex either, and what an amusing conversation that had been. It was too easy to get Anakin flustered.

Questioning the border officials at the spaceport in Foerost’s capital wasn’t giving them any leads, so they went underground. It wasn’t all that difficult to make themselves blend in, especially when they were both at ease around low-level criminals. They started at a cantina that was a cover for illegal auctions since they couldn’t rule out that the thief wanted to sell the devices. Considering the cantina was well-known for its auctions, the owner probably bribed the local security force to look the other way.

Anakin grabbed Obi-Wan’s arm as he went through the list of items up for sale that night. It was one of the devices. Obi-Wan frowned as he read the brief description. “Grants the power to see the future” was a complete falsehood. Its purpose was to wipe certain memories from the user’s mind, but it was banned shortly after it was discovered how it affected the user's mental state. What Jedi would be so desperate to get rid of an attachment that they would ask to have their memories wiped?

He looked at Anakin out of the corner of his eye. His attachment to his former Padawan wasn’t dangerous. It was perfectly manageable. If Obi-Wan had to choose between completing an important mission or saving Anakin’s life, he would choose the mission. Definitely.

“How do you think we should handle this?” Anakin whispered. “We don’t have the credits for a bidding war.”

“So we should find the storage room. We can’t have that device falling into the wrong hands, especially when they don’t even know what it actually does.”

“Why would the thief lie about that?”

Obi-Wan had no idea, unless the thief had grabbed at random after all and meant to take more but got spooked. “I’m wondering how the thief proved it lets you see the future.”

“Out! Get out!” someone shouted from the back. “I don’t want your useless junk!”

A small, hooded figure ran passed them, and the Force was telling Obi-Wan to go after them. Anakin was on his feet before Obi-Wan could say anything. Their likely thief picked up speed once they realized they were being pursued, but it was easy to catch up to them. After following the thief into an alleyway, Anakin yanked them down from the ladder they were struggling to climb up.

“I think you have something that belongs to us,” Anakin said menacingly as he pulled his robe aside to flash the lightsaber that hung on his hip.

The thief backed up into the wall, and upon getting a glimpse of their face, Obi-Wan yanked their hood off. A human girl no older than 15 stared at him with barely concealed fear. “You’re a child!”

Anakin blinked at her in shock. “Why did you break into the Temple vault?”

“Because I was told I could get a lot of credits for that stuff! My brother is— I need the money quick, and I’m good at stealing. I thought if I just took a few . . . ”

“We wouldn’t notice,” Obi-Wan finished.

Anakin crossed his arms with a frown, but it was an act. He felt sorry for her. Anakin always had a soft spot for children. “And seeing the future?”

“The assistant put it into the database for the auction before the owner asked for proof. It was a stupid thing to make up, I know. I couldn’t get the damn thing to open, and saying it was a Jedi device wasn’t enough for them, so I panicked.”

“It’s a good thing you couldn’t open it,” Anakin said as he kneeled in front of her. “It’s dangerous, as are the other two you stole. Who did you sell them to?”

She shook her head. “The assistant wasn’t interested in the others because they looked boring and useless. They’re old, aren’t they?”

“Haven’t been used in hundreds of years. So you still have them?”

Sighing, she reached into her bag and set all three devices on the ground. The one that was entered into the auction was more visually stunning than the others. “I could open the other two, but they didn’t do anything. I guess you have to be a Jedi to use them.”

Confident that the girl wasn’t a threat, Obi-Wan bent down to collect the devices. “No, but you have to understand how they function. Now, you’ll be coming back with us to Coruscant.”

“Master, she’s just a kid.”

“Who still committed a crime.” As soon as he touched the last one, it lit up and hovered off the ground. “That’s worrying.” Taking advantage of the distraction, the girl ran, but Obi-Wan was paralyzed. He could hardly breathe. “Ana . . . kin . . . I—”

White light blinded him, making his eyes burn, but that was nothing compared to the pain he felt in the Force, like something was being violently ripped out of him. Anakin cried out as if he was gravely injured. Obi-Wan wanted to help him, wanted the pain to stop, and just as he finished that thought, it did.

Obi-Wan collapsed, but he remained conscious. It took longer than he liked to control his breathing, and he had trouble remembering what planet he was on. Why was he there? _Right. Stolen devices. I don’t remember the trip from Coruscant, though._ A groan to his left caught his attention.

“Force, that was . . . Master! Are you alright?”

The young man looked at him with far too much concern to be a stranger, and had he just called him “Master”? Obi-Wan sat up slowly and almost fell backwards from the pounding in his head. The man reached out to steady him, and since Obi-Wan wasn’t getting any warnings in the Force, he let him.

“Hey, take it easy. We got what we came here for, so let’s just forget about the kid and go home.”

Obi-Wan took a closer look at the man and relaxed when he noticed the Jedi uniform, but it was an odd color choice.

“Do you need help getting up?”

“Something isn’t right. I was sent on this mission alone . . . wasn’t I?”

The young man’s eyes widened, and his grip on Obi-Wan’s shoulder tightened. “Mas—Obi-Wan, do you remember how we got here?”

“No.” Obi-Wan winced as the panic that was emanating from the man grew in intensity. “I’m terribly sorry, but I seem to have forgotten your name as well.”

The Jedi took his hand back from Obi-Wan’s shoulder as if he’d been burned, and he squeezed his eyes shut as he reached out into the Force, searching for what Obi-Wan didn’t know. There were so many emotions running through the man. Some were muted while others weren’t, like his shields were beginning to crumble.

“It-it’s gone. No, it can’t be gone!” Looking at Obi-Wan, the man shook him twice, but he still didn’t feel like a threat. His desperation was very unbecoming of a Jedi. “Our Force bond! You—” A tear rolled down his cheek, and he let go of Obi-Wan to hold himself as if he were freezing. “You don’t know who I am at all.”

The pain in his voice was confusing. Obi-Wan had never met this strange Jedi in his life. Cautiously getting to his feet, he looked around him and tried to piece together his last few memories. None of it made sense. The only thing he could think to do was collect the devices and head back to his ship. _What ship had I even taken? I can’t remember signing one out._ Holding the iridescent object in his hand, something did finally come to him.

_‘Device 00213. Created by Master Tun Fili for the purpose of ridding a Jedi of a dangerous attachment at that Jedi’s request. All memories of the person or object will be wiped while leaving other memories intact. Banned from use after Knight Mora Yahn’s distress caused her to take her own life.’_

Obi-Wan stared at the Jedi who clearly knew him, who was clearly attached, and understood what happened. The device had activated somehow and wiped every memory that was connected to the Jedi who was crying silently at his feet. It wouldn’t be fair to berate him for his attachment since the very fact Obi-Wan couldn’t remember him meant he had been incredibly attached himself. It was something he would have to examine later. For now, he wanted to go back to the Temple and do a lot of research on the device and why Knight Yahn had killed herself.

The man scrubbed at his face and took a deep breath. “My name is Anakin Skywalker,” he said as he finally stood, “and I’m your former Padawan.”

That helped to explain his reaction. If Qui-Gon had suddenly forgotten who he was, it would have hurt, but he wouldn’t have panicked and started crying. The memory of holding his dead Master flashed through his mind. _That’s not the same. I’m not dead._ Resolutely shoving that painful image aside, he nodded. “Alright, let’s get going then.”

Anakin stared at him with his mouth hanging open. “What, that’s it? You don’t care at all that you’ve just lost a good chunk of the last 13 years of your life?”

Sighing, Obi-Wan’s pinched the bridge of his nose and dug around for the memory of where their ship was located. He needed to get off this planet because the sooner he could get away from Anakin, the less it would feel like his heart was breaking. It was not a feeling he was accustomed to, and he disliked it immensely.

“It sounds like you’re asking if I don’t care that I’ve lost all memories of _you_. Honestly, it’s hard to care all that much about someone I just met who’s not in any immediate danger.” He didn’t miss the way Anakin flinched. He supposed that was a little harsh. While he didn’t remember Anakin, the man had been his Padawan, so he should at least try not to be so acerbic. “Our ship isn’t far from here, yes?”

With his gaze lowered to the ground, Anakin nodded and walked passed him.

It was a quiet journey to their ship, and because Anakin’s control over his shielding was weak, Obi-Wan felt misery and confusion coming off of him in waves. What kind of Master had he been that his former Padawan ended up being so emotional? But he trained someone to knighthood. That had to count for something.

“ _This_ is the ship we took?” Obi-Wan wrinkled his nose as he wondered how it had managed to hold itself together for the trip. It looked like a deathtrap.

Anakin didn’t respond. He walked up to it and punched the code in to lower the ramp before he went off to pay the docking fee.

He really hoped Anakin wouldn’t be in a sour mood all the way back to Coruscant. It would obviously take a long time for Anakin to accept what had happened and move on, but Obi-Wan could help with that by cutting him out of his life. It wouldn’t make any difference to Obi-Wan, except something deep within his soul balked at the idea. Even though the memories were gone, a shadow of the attachment was still there. Was that why Knight Yahn had killed herself? The disconnect would become maddening if not handled properly.

As nervous about the ship as Obi-Wan was, it took off and entered hyperspace without a problem. Once he unbuckled himself from the copilot’s chair, he turned to Anakin to say they should have a discussion about how they were going to move forward. They were still fighting a war, and it was likely they would have to work together. But Anakin left the cockpit before Obi-Wan even opened his mouth. Maybe he needed some time alone. Obi-Wan could still feel his pain, and talking to him would probably make it worse, so he decided to go meditate instead.

Anakin hadn’t gone far. He was sitting at a small table, hunched over his right arm. Curious, and slightly concerned Anakin was hurting himself, Obi-Wan walked over to him instead of heading down to the lower deck. Small tools were laid out in front of Anakin, as was a long, black glove, which Obi-Wan hadn’t noticed he was wearing earlier. He watched Anakin work on his cybernetic arm and marveled at how calm the Force felt around him. There were some Jedi who used moving meditation, but Obi-Wan never thought of that being done on such a small scale.

“How did you lose your arm?” The questioned popped out against his better judgment. He shouldn’t have interrupted him. Obi-Wan prepared himself to be hit with more pain, but Anakin’s shields were holding.

Anakin paused for only a few seconds before returning to whatever maintenance he was doing on the prosthetic. “During the first Battle of Geonosis,” he said quietly. “I rushed into a fight I wasn’t ready to take on by myself.”

Obi-Wan frowned. Most of that day was a blur, which he assumed was because Anakin had been involved. “Dooku?” When Anakin looked up at him with a flicker of hope in his eyes, Obi-Wan shook his head. “Educated guess. I remember he was there, but I’m struggling to come up with anything else about that battle.”

“Oh.” Anakin focused on his arm while giving Obi-Wan the sense that he didn’t want to talk anymore.

Obi-Wan had been correct in assuming the crew quarters were below them. Even though the ship looked awful on the outside, it wasn’t so bad on the inside. Obi-Wan had certainly traveled in worse. He sat down on one of the beds and got in a meditative position, but he found it difficult to put himself into a state of tranquility. Everything felt off, like he was missing a vital part of himself.

After trying to meditate for at least an hour, Obi-Wan gave up and decided to get some rest. Sleep was something he could accomplish, but his dreams were of memory fragments and disconnected emotions that were so strong he woke up gasping. Bile rose in the back his throat, but he swallowed it and focused on controlling his breathing. When he tried to center himself in the Force, all he got was static in return.

It hadn’t even been a day, and Obi-Wan could understand why the device had been banned. No matter how it would look to the Council, he had to find a way to restore his memories.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a heads up, I’m ignoring or changing some events from TCW, like Maul didn’t survive being cut in half and the Temple bombing doesn’t happen.

Anakin let out a shaky breath once Obi-Wan left the cargo hold. Being around him was putting a strain on his shielding, and he knew he would fall apart if Obi-Wan looked at him with those distant eyes one more time. Anakin had forgotten how cold Obi-Wan had been in the first year of his apprenticeship, but he thought losing Qui-Gon had made it harder for Obi-Wan to open up. How long would it be before Obi-Wan started acting like the kind Master and friend Anakin had grown to cherish?

He quickly straightened from his slouched position, his eyes wide, and he ran to the cockpit. “It was here, right?” It took a few minutes of frantic searching before he located the datapad. Opening the file that was given to them for the mission, Anakin read the description of the device Obi-Wan had activated and closed his eyes.

Obi-Wan was _attached_ to him, or at least he had been. Anakin wished he had remembered what the purpose of that device was earlier because it would have lessened the blow. It still hurt, but he couldn’t stop himself from smiling. His Master had cared about him more than he’d let on, more than he was supposed to.

When Obi-Wan came up from the lower deck, Anakin was working on one of the small projects he kept aboard the _Twilight_ for moments of boredom. He didn’t know if Obi-Wan had wanted to sleep or meditate—like Obi-Wan _ever_ chose sleep over meditation—but whatever he’d done, it darkened the circles under his eyes.

“You look terrible,” Anakin said as he put his tools down.

“Thank you for informing me.”

He didn’t sound offended, just tired and a little annoyed, but Anakin had to remember he couldn’t talk to Obi-Wan the way he used to. “Sorry. I wasn’t trying to insult you. Is there anything I can help you with?”

Obi-Wan stared at him, his expression unreadable. “What happened? You could barely look at me before, and now you actually want to interact with me?”

Seeing it from his point of view, Anakin could understand why his behavior was odd. He pointed at the datapad on the corner of the table. “I was so upset that I forgot what the device was used for. You were deeply attached to me, and I never knew it. All these years . . . I guess you weren’t a perfect Jedi after all.”

Obi-Wan’s frown was almost comical. “And I told you I was? That was arrogant of me.”

Chuckling, Anakin shook his head. “You didn’t. It was how you presented yourself to me, though. I think you were trying to be a good role model? But it just made me feel—” He closed his mouth so quickly his teeth clacked together.

Anakin had no idea why he was about to say any of that, especially to a version of Obi-Wan who had never offered to listen. He had considered talking to Obi-Wan, but he thought his Master was too much of a Jedi to understand. Maybe it was because Obi-Wan was attached that he reached out to Anakin, but with that attachment burned away, it would be impossible to connect on that level now.

Obi-Wan sat on one of the crates that were on the other side of the cargo hold, his frown deepening as he looked at the floor. “Was I a good Master?”

He didn’t even have to think about the answer. “Yes, you were. I was lucky to have you.”

With his gaze still on the floor, Obi-Wan’s posture relaxed as he smiled. It was the same smile that always made Anakin’s heart beat a little faster, which definitely didn’t _mean_ anything.

“Well, that’s a relief to hear.” Obi-Wan leaned forward with his hands on his knees and finally looked up at Anakin. “I assumed I couldn’t have been terrible since you’re a Knight, but I’m confused about one thing. You implied that we’ve known each other for 13 years. Exactly how old are you?”

“Nearly 23.”

His eyes widened. “I took you as my Padawan when you were nine? Then I was quite young myself. Or did we know each other for some years before you became my apprentice?”

“No, you got it right. I joined the Order when I was ‘too old,’ and if you didn’t take me as your Padawan, no one would ever train me. It wasn’t a normal situation,” Anakin said with a shrug.

“I couldn’t have waited a few years to start training you? Why did you join the Order so late? I’m sorry. I’m asking too many questions.”

Anakin didn’t mind his curiosity. That Obi-Wan wanted to know anything about him made the pain turn into background noise. He explained how he came to be in the care of the Jedi Order while omitting the very important detail that he’d been a slave and briefly talked about his apprenticeship. Anakin knew he had been aggravating to deal with at times, but he never thought Obi-Wan regretted being his Master. He just wished he’d known how much Obi-Wan had actually cared.

“Well, now it makes sense.”

“What does?”

He gestured toward Anakin. “Why you’re so . . . different. I’ve never met such an emotional Jedi, or at least I have no recollection of ever meeting one.”

Anakin looked away, shame burning through him. He already knew he wasn’t the Jedi he was supposed to be. It was easy to see how “different” he was from the looks he got, expressions filled with disgust or irritation or disappointment. He would never be like the others no matter how hard he tried, but at least Obi-Wan had acknowledged his efforts when Anakin got really frustrated with himself.

Obi-Wan’s heavy sigh brought Anakin’s attention back to him.

“I didn’t mean that in a negative way.”

“Yes, you did.” If Anakin didn’t know him so well, he would have missed how his eyes twitched like he was trying not to flinch away from a blow to the face. “The way you are right now, it reminds me of how you were in the very beginning of my apprenticeship. I kind of thought you hated me.” He tried not to react to letting that slip out.

Obi-Wan’s eyebrows shot up, but he didn’t say anything. It wasn’t like he could deny it since he had no memory of how he felt at the time.

It was unlikely that Obi-Wan had actually hated Anakin. Disliked him, sure. Wanted to scream into his pillow at least once a week, probably. Being older and having a Padawan of his own, Anakin looked back on those early years and could tell just how stressed out Obi-Wan had been. Without a Master to go to for advice, he was on his own with a strange kid who was constantly stumbling through Jedi customs. Anakin was sure some Masters offered their help, but he could see Obi-Wan feeling like he had something to prove by doing it on his own. After all, the Council didn’t want Anakin to be trained. He still didn’t know what Obi-Wan had said to convince them to change their minds, and now he never would.

“Anyway,” Anakin said in a lame attempt at changing the subject, “I’m going to take a nap. I didn’t get much sleep on the way out, and I’ve barely been sleeping for the past month, so I should take advantage of not being on a military ship where alarms could go off at any second.” _Stop talking. You’re making this even more awkward._

Obi-Wan remained silent, his expression giving nothing away, as he nodded and walked toward the cockpit.

Anakin wanted to bang his head on the table. He would only push Obi-Wan away by revealing what a mess he was. It probably didn’t matter, though, since there was a good chance Obi-Wan had already decided he would distance himself from Anakin as soon as they returned to the Temple.

It wasn’t easy to fall asleep, and once Anakin woke up, he could tell they had already entered Coruscant’s atmosphere. Artificial gravity didn’t feel quite the same as the real thing. At least that meant he got a few hours of rest. Anakin debated about whether he should stay in the lower deck and let Obi-Wan take care of the landing or go up and risk behaving in a way that would definitely make Obi-Wan never want to see him again.

He sighed as he got out of bed. “I’m not gonna be a coward about this.”

Obi-Wan glanced at him when he entered the cockpit. “I let Master Windu know the mission was a success, but he’s suspicious about why I waited to tell him until now.”

“That’s not surprising ,” Anakin said, hesitating by the copilot’s chair. “Do you want me to land the ship?”

Obi-Wan got up so quickly Anakin almost laughed. “Please. I fear that if I touch the wrong thing, it will simply fall apart.”

“Yeah, you really don’t remember anything.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” He narrowed his eyes. “Are you a terrible pilot?”

Anakin smiled a little. “No, but you liked to complain about my landings, which was unfair. You’ve never been injured during any of them.”

“That is not reassuring,” he said as he strapped himself into the safety harness.

Anakin landed his ship on the platform outside the Temple hangar without incident. He was going to ask Obi-Wan what they should tell the Council, but Obi-Wan said the last thing he expected to hear.

“I’ll be kicked off the Council.”

Anakin blinked at him. “Why? We got the devices, and the thief was just a kid trying to survive. I doubt they’ll scold us for failing to bring her in.”

With his shoulders hunched up slightly, Obi-Wan looked away and unbuckled the harness. “Don’t be obtuse. I lost my memories because I was dangerously attached to you. If I were to tell them I want those memories back, they would probably kick me out of the Order.”

Anakin couldn’t breathe. Obi-Wan wanted his memories back? “Wait, hold on. If you’re so worried about being seen as an improper Jedi, why do you want to remember me?”

“Because everything feels wrong!” Obi-Wan finally looked at him, and for a second, all Anakin saw was that grieving young man who seemed so lost during his first days as a Jedi Knight. “I can’t even meditate because my connection to the Force is strained, and the last 13 years hardly make any sense. You were such an important part of my life that with you erased from it, I . . . ” He ran a hand through his hair and got up to pace the cockpit once before he grabbed his robe and left.

It took a second for Anakin to grab his own robe and follow him. He tried not to smile at Obi-Wan actually saying he was an important part of his life. Anakin already knew that via the device, but hearing it from Obi-Wan himself sent warmth traveling outward from his chest. At the same time, he hated that Obi-Wan was suffering.

Their trip to the Council chamber was silent, and the way Obi-Wan was carrying himself said he was expecting the worst. Anakin didn’t know what the Council would do. Reprimanding him for having an attachment he didn’t even remember having was pointless. They would probably be relieved that one of their best Jedi was no longer compromised, which made Anakin glare at the ground in front of him. It wasn’t a weakness.

Only about half of the members were present, but of course Masters Yoda and Windu had to be there. Obi-Wan handed the sack containing the three devices over to Master Windu, who nodded for him to begin giving his report.

Standing in the middle of the chamber with his hands clasped behind his back, he looked no different from before his memory loss. “The thief was a child who had no knowledge of what her stolen goods actually did. Struggling to survive, she wanted to sell them for credits, and we believe she meant the Order no harm. However, she had tried to open 00213, and that must have done something because it activated once I touched it.”

The chamber was so quiet Anakin could hear his blood pumping through his veins. He couldn’t tell what any of the councilors were thinking, but that wasn’t new. If they started yelling at Obi-Wan for being a failure of a Jedi, Anakin was fully prepared to defend him.

Obi-Wan took a deep breath. “I have no memories of Anakin Skywalker.”

No one in the chamber said a word as the two leaders of the Order glanced at each other.

“Surprised, we are not.”

Anakin stood up a little straighter. How had they known of Obi-Wan’s attachment while Anakin had been completely oblivious? It almost made him angry, and that anger simmered just below the surface when he saw Obi-Wan looking down in shame. He had nothing to be ashamed of. Obi-Wan was the best Jedi the Order ever had, and no matter what the Council thought, his attachment to Anakin didn’t diminish that.

“How are you feeling?” Master Plo asked. “After all, there was a good reason the device was banned.”

Pulling his expression into something neutral, Obi-Wan shrugged. “I feel alright, but it’s difficult to understand much of the last 13 years.”

Master Windu leaned back as he regarded Obi-Wan for a moment. “You should get checked out by the healers, and I think it would be wise to hold you back until we know what exactly the device has done to you.”

Anakin was going to suggest that himself, especially since they didn’t know how the device affected his connection to the Force. Obi-Wan struggling to meditate was worrisome.

“Of course,” Obi-Wan said as he bowed slightly. “I have nothing else to report, so if that will be all, I’d like to get some rest.”

Master Yoda nodded. “To the infirmary, you must go. Then rest. Discuss this unexpected change, the Council will.”

“Is Obi-Wan still a member of the Council?” Anakin immediately regretted asking that when he saw Obi-Wan wince, but wouldn’t it be better if he knew what his standing was in the Order now?

“That is something the rest of us will have to make a decision on,” Master Windu said before he narrowed his eyes. It was a very familiar look, one that filled Anakin with dread. “And how are you feeling, Knight Skywalker?”

He had to stop himself from getting emotional because if he got angry, or even annoyed, they would try to keep him and Obi-Wan apart. “I didn’t touch the device.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

It was like Master Windu was _trying_ to get him riled up. Maybe if Anakin was blunt about it, they would leave him alone. He took a deep breath and tried not to think about how that was usually when Obi-Wan would send a small wave of reassurance through their bond. “If you’re wondering how I’m coping with my former Master having no memories of me, I’ll be fine. It’s not like he’s dead.” He couldn’t stop himself from adding that even though it made him sound a little resentful.

Master Windu frowned and opened his mouth to speak, but Master Yoda held his hand up.

“No anguish, I can sense in you. A much better reaction than expected. Submit your report later, you should.”

That was clearly a dismissal, so Anakin bowed and turned to leave, but he paused to make sure Obi-Wan was going to follow. Once they were alone in the turbolift, Obi-Wan looked at him with raised eyebrows. Anakin was sure he had a lot of questions.

“You don’t get along with the Council, do you?”

“Not really. I still got along with you, though.”

Anakin had been worried that Obi-Wan’s appointment to the Council would change their relationship, but Obi-Wan hadn’t treated him any differently. What changed was Obi-Wan’s level of exhaustion. He wouldn’t talk about what went on in the chamber, but Anakin figured there was a lot of arguing since Obi-Wan let it slip once that some Council members weren’t happy with the orders that were coming from the Senate.

“And I _was_ dead, right?” Obi-Wan cocked his head to one side as he crossed his arms. “No, I faked my death to find out the details of a kidnapping plot. There are chunks of time missing, so you must have had a role in it.”

That wasn’t a mission Anakin liked to remember. “Sort of. All of you originally wanted to leave me out of it so that my pain would be convincing.” Even though Obi-Wan already thought of him as being too emotional, he tried to conceal his bitterness. He still refused to believe it had been Obi-Wan’s idea to keep the truth from him. “You went against the Council and told me about the mission when I confronted ‘Hardeen.’”

The turbolift doors opened, but Obi-Wan didn’t budge. “Why did I do that?”

“You said something about being overwhelmed by my grief even with your end of the Force bond being closed.” He walked out so as not to draw attention from Jedi passing by, and Obi-Wan followed him after a beat. “I forgave you eventually.”

It looked like Obi-Wan had more questions, but they weren’t in the best place to be talking about attachments so openly. He nodded and turned in the direction of the infirmary.

Anakin didn’t need to go with him, and he was surprised Obi-Wan hadn’t pointed that out. Maybe he wanted someone there who wouldn’t judge him. Did Obi-Wan ever worry about what others thought of him? It always seemed like he hadn’t, but now Anakin wasn’t so sure.

Upon entering the infirmary, Anakin picked up on a Force signature that shouldn’t have been there. Panic welled up inside him, but he reminded himself that if she had been seriously injured, someone would have told him. A healer got in his way when he started to head in Ahsoka’s direction.

“Hello, Knight Skywalker. What trouble have you gotten into this time?”

Anakin gave them a weak smile. That healer had always scolded him for his numerous injuries when he’d been a Padawan. “Hello, Healer Bosh. I’m actually not here for myself. He’s worse than I am about coming here,” he said as he jerked his thumb at Obi-Wan, “so I thought I should tag along.”

Their frown smoothed out. “Oh, well, Healer Voola should be available soon. Please wait in room three.”

“Thank you.” Once Healer Bosh walked away, Anakin continued walking.

“Where are you going?” Obi-Wan asked. “Room three is that way.”

“Yeah, I’ll be right back.” _What did she do? I wasn’t even gone for that long._ Anakin sighed when he got to the open exam area. She looked fine. “Why are you here, Ahsoka?”

“Master!” She winced as the med droid at her side jabbed her with something. “You’re back sooner than I thought. And I’m not hurt, I swear. I was due for some booster shots.” She rubbed her arm and slid off the table to walk over to him. When would she stop growing? She was going to be taller than him within months. “Hey, Master Obi-Wan.”

Anakin turned around and upon seeing Obi-Wan’s wide eyes, he knew exactly what he was thinking. Anakin was a poor example of a Jedi, yet he was allowed to train someone?

“Are you guys okay?” Ahsoka asked. “I mean, you’re in the infirmary after a mission.”

“Um, well . . . ” Anakin knew they wouldn’t be able to keep it a secret. Someone would notice Obi-Wan was acting strangely, or they would question why he was being held back when he wasn’t injured, and many of the Jedi loved to gossip. Ahsoka deserved to hear it from them, especially since Obi-Wan was like her second Master. “Come with us, and I’ll tell you what happened.”

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan said in a warning tone.

“Do you really think you can pull it off for longer than a week?” When Obi-Wan only frowned at him, Anakin left the exam area and motioned for Ahsoka to follow.

Healer Voola was already in room three with an uncharacteristic look of worry in her eyes. None of the healers usually displayed their concern because they considered it to be unprofessional to do so. It was part of the reason why Anakin never liked going to the infirmary when he was young. He was so used to the way his mother cared for him when he was sick or injured that he couldn’t stand how cold the healers in the Temple were.

“The Council told me I should be expecting you,” she said to Obi-Wan, “and they want me to give you a full exam.”

That was going to take a while.

Ahsoka hit the button to close the door and crossed her arms. She was trying to mask her panic, and she probably succeeded in the eyes of Voola and Obi-Wan, but Anakin knew her too well. “Okay, what’s going on?”

“Obi-Wan has no memories of me after activating one of the devices,” Anakin said, hoping he sounded unemotional.

Her brow markings shot up. “Why just you?”

“Because I was _attached_.”

The way Obi-Wan spit that word out made Anakin flinch. There was no doubt in his mind that Obi-Wan would push him away the first chance he got. He ignored the tightening in his chest.

“I’ll run an extensive brain scan as well,” Voola said, her expression carefully blank. A healer’s job was to treat every patient with dignity, and that meant it wasn’t her place to pass judgment. She went to one of the cupboards to gather her tools, leaving the rest of them to stand there awkwardly.

Ahsoka’s arms dropped to her sides as she glanced at Anakin. “So there are holes in your memories where my Master should be?”

Obi-Wan sat on the cot with a sigh and shook his head. “It’s not that straight-forward. All memories connected to Anakin are distorted or nonexistent. That’s why I don’t remember much of you, what with you being his Padawan. There are . . . glimpses here and there, but nothing more.”

Before Ahsoka could respond, Voola looked at her and Anakin and gestured to the door. “This will take some time, so please leave.”

Anakin had been expecting that. “Sure. I’ll see you later, Obi-Wan.” Obi-Wan averted his gaze, which made the pain in Anakin’s chest too great to ignore. It felt like a part of him was dying. But he took a deep breath and walked out of the room, not stopping until he was out of the infirmary completely.

“Master, are you alright?” Ahsoka asked quietly.

He took another deep breath even though he knew it wouldn’t help. Nothing would. “I don’t know.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who left kudos! I’ve kind of lost my momentum, so updates will be sporadic.
> 
> Content warning for references to suicide.

Three days had gone by since his medical exam, which had only shown he was a little sleep deprived and undernourished, and Obi-Wan hadn’t been able to find anything in the archives about regaining his memories. Master Nu had reached the point where she stared at him until he went off to eat or take a nap in his quarters. She had offered to help, but he couldn’t tell her why he was there. It was bad enough that word had gotten out and practically the whole Temple knew he’d had a dangerous attachment. Obi-Wan couldn’t stand the looks of pity, shock, or disgust.

He hadn’t seen Anakin at all in the last three days, and he should have been relieved by that, but he missed the young man’s presence. It was a bizarre feeling since he didn’t know much about Anakin. To add to his general frustration, he actually _wanted_ to get to know him. What made Anakin so important to his old self?

“Come in, Obi-Wan,” Master Windu said from the entrance of the Council chamber.

Obi-Wan had requested to speak with them to find out what he should expect in the next few months. It would be polite to at least tell him how long they planned on holding him back and if they were going to kick him off of the Council.

“You probably want to know why we haven’t cleared you for battle,” Kit said.

Good. They were getting right to the point.

Master Windu leaned forward in his seat. “Since the only time the device was used predates Master Yoda’s appointment as head of the Council, we looked into the notes taken on Knight Yahn, and we’re concerned that the same thing has happened to you.”

It was strange that he hadn’t come across those notes when he had the same access in the Archives as the other Council members. “I’m not going to kill myself. I feel fine.”

“So your connection to the Force isn’t muted?”

Obi-Wan stopped himself from reacting. He’d hoped they wouldn’t ever find out about that, at least not until he got a handle on it. He could finally meditate, but he couldn’t do so through the Force, and it was putting him on edge. They would see right through any falsehood, and they would think he was hiding something else if he did lie, so he kept his mouth shut.

“Obi-Wan,” Adi said gently, “we aren’t going to sanction you.”

“You’re going to let me keep my seat on the Council even after violating the Code so egregiously?” Their silence was damning. “That’s what I thought.”

Master Windu sighed. “It’s only a temporary suspension. Look, we always knew you were too close to Skywalker, but we let it go because you still completed your missions in a way that was appropriate, and your work with Skywalker after the war started has been a great help.”

“So you turned a blind eye to my attachment because I was useful.” He wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

Master Yoda tapped his gimer stick on the floor twice, his ears drooping slightly. “Use you as a tool, we do not. Much good, you and young Skywalker have done for the Republic. A hindrance to your duty as a Jedi, your attachment had not been.”

It still sounded like they made an exception for him because he got the results they wanted, but he wasn’t going to argue about it. “Then I’d like to know where I stand.”

“Concentrate, you must, on your connection to the Force. When ready, you think you are, see me, you should.”

“Once you’re deemed to be stable, we’ll start giving you missions again,” Master Windu said.

Stable . . . He caught himself before he glowered at Master Windu. Instead, he bowed in thanks and left the chamber without saying a word. They thought he was a liability. Just because he’d been thrown a little off balance didn’t mean he couldn’t complete missions. Anakin was all over the place, yet they saw no problem with giving him highly important missions. He’d read the reports, and the Council put a lot of faith in Anakin’s abilities. Or perhaps they were just desperate. _No, if they were desperate, they wouldn’t keep me in the Temple._ But no one actually told him he had to stay in the Temple.

His gurgling stomach gave him the perfect idea on how to take his mind off of everything. As far as he knew, it had been ages since he’d gone to Dex’s. He signed out a speeder and thought of all the delicious food there was to choose from.

“Hey!” Anakin called out as he jogged over to him. “Where are you going? Did the Council—”

“This has nothing to do with the Council.” At Anakin’s flinch, Obi-Wan sighed as he got into the driver’s seat. “I didn’t mean to snap. I just had a meeting with them, and they’ve put me in a bad mood. I’m going to Dex’s Diner.”

“Oh.”

He probably wanted Obi-Wan to ask him to come along, but Obi-Wan needed to spend time away from the mess he was in, and Anakin being there wouldn’t help. He somehow knew Anakin would take it as a personal slight if he told him that.

“Um, I guess you’re not cleared for missions then?”

“Not until Yoda thinks I’m ready.” Anakin nodded distractedly as he looked around the hangar, and the longer he stayed quiet, the more Obi-Wan was losing his patience. “Do you need something?” he asked while trying to keep his tone light.

Anakin deflated a little, his eyes on the ground. “No, I just thought . . . Never mind.”

Obi-Wan was too tired and hungry to press him for a real answer, so he started the engine and took off, but the closer he got to the diner, the heavier his guilt became. There was no reason to be so unkind toward Anakin. Obi-Wan’s attachment to him had been his own fault, not Anakin’s. Maybe he could bring a dessert back for him as an apology.

It was dark by the time he returned to the Temple, take-away bag in hand. He had to go through the database to find out where Anakin’s quarters were, but when he got there, Anakin wasn’t inside. Or his shielding had drastically improved, and he was choosing to ignore Obi-Wan. Leaving the food outside the door wasn’t an option, so he would have to try again in the morning.

But morning came and still no Anakin. Obi-Wan didn’t want to ask anyone if they’d seen Anakin since he wasn’t in the mood for dealing with their reactions to him being a terrible Jedi. He could ask Ahsoka, though. After putting the food back in his mini cooling unit, he looked her up in the database and headed off to the Padawan wing. Just as he was about to hit the buzzer for her room, a Padawan farther down the corridor yelled that she wasn’t there.

“She was assigned a mission with Master Skywalker!”

That wasn’t surprising, but he felt a twinge of . . . something that Anakin had left thinking he was seen as a nuisance.

Obi-Wan went back to his quarters and ate the dessert so as not to waste food. Other than meditate or go down to the Archives yet again, Obi-Wan had nothing to do. With his thoughts bouncing around in his head and his emotions being held back by a fragile shield, it wasn’t a good idea to be alone. Being at the diner had only helped minutely, and he was almost right back where he started.

His comlink went off. Maybe the Council had changed their minds.

“Kenobi.”

_“Hello. This is Padmé Amidala. I don’t know if you remember me, but you and Master Jinn helped my planet break free of a Trade Federation blockade many years ago.”_

It took only a few seconds for the memories of her to surface, but like with many past events, there were large chunks of time missing. “Yes, I remember you.”

_“Then if you aren’t busy, I would like to talk to you about something important. In person.”_

How cryptic. “I’m afraid I’m not on Naboo.” Obi-Wan was about to say he wasn’t allowed to take on missions, but he didn’t know what she actually wanted yet. It could be she just wanted advice.

_“Neither am I. To avoid a fuss, it would be better if we meet in my apartment than in my office.”_

Her office. Right, she was a senator now. Asking him to go to her apartment was a little intimate, but he could understand if she didn’t want anyone to know she was seeking the council of a Jedi. The relationship between the Senate and the Order had become complicated after three years of war. As far as trusting Senator Amidala went, nothing he could remember about her led him to believe she was a corrupt politician. Besides, he needed a distraction.

“Alright. When should I be there?”

They set up a time, and she sent her address to his datapad, which had already been linked with her own. That meant his old self had trusted her. Obi-Wan had considered going through his datapad to search for clues as to who he was before the incident, but when he found it wasn’t password protected, he knew he wouldn’t find anything useful.

Knowing they had been in recent contact, Senator Amidala asking if he remembered her didn’t make any sense. Someone told her he’d lost his memories. Considering so many Jedi knew about that, he couldn’t even begin to guess who had talked to her.

Obi-Wan meditated for most of the day and only left his quarters to eat when he could no longer ignore his complaining stomach. His connection to the Force wasn’t any better, but at least his body wasn’t holding as much tension. He might even be able to fool Senator Amidala into thinking he was perfectly fine.

Taking an air taxi was preferable since she wanted to be discreet about meeting with him. He kept his robe tightly wrapped around himself in case his clothing would be recognized as a Jedi’s uniform.

Her being in the penthouse suite meant the ride up in the turbolift was ridiculously long, but it did give him a nice view of the city. A young woman led him to a sitting area where he declined her offer of a drink even though he could really use some alcohol. Obi-Wan was immensely curious as to what was so important. What help could he be to her when he could barely help himself?

He was alone for only a minute before Senator Amidala came out to greet him. “Hello, Obi-Wan. Thank you so much for coming.” She was stunning in a dark green dress that shimmered with every movement, and his surprise had to have been obvious because she laughed as she looked down at herself. “I was running late, so I didn’t have time to change.”

“I don’t mind waiting.”

The dress puffed up around her once she sat on the couch across from him. “No, it’s fine. I was able to put my hair down, and that had been driving me crazy all day. My handmaidens like to experiment with different hairstyles. Anyway, how are you?”

She was so at ease with him that perhaps they had been friends, but his few memories of her meant one thing. Just as Ahsoka was deeply connected to Anakin in Obi-Wan’s mind, Senator Amidala was as well. It was Anakin who told her what happened.

“Obi-Wan?”

“Ah, forgive me. I’m just trying to piece everything together. You know about the device, don’t you?”

She nodded, but the reaction Obi-Wan had gotten used to seeing was absent. She didn’t pity him, and she didn’t look surprised at all. Instead, determination was shining in her eyes. “I want to help you, if you’ll let me.”

 _Oh, no. Were we more than friends?_ Obi-Wan had dealt with people’s attraction to him throughout his life by playing it off as a joke. Sometimes he swore a person was flirting with him because the Jedi were seen as unattainable, and they liked the challenge or the “forbidden” nature of being with a Jedi. It all made him extremely uncomfortable. The only person he’d been attracted to was Satine, but that was almost 20 years ago. Maybe his attachment to Senator Amidala was new, and that was why he lost his of memories of Anakin instead. Or maybe he was misreading the situation.

“Why do you want to help me?”

“Because you’re my friend and so is Anakin. He was very upset yesterday.” She held up her hand when he opened his mouth to speak. “Please don’t get the wrong idea. He didn’t ask me to talk to you, but he’s convinced you hate him, and I don’t like seeing him in pain.”

Obi-Wan couldn’t be sure if he screwed up that badly or if Anakin was just prone to dramatics. “I don’t hate him. Hate is not—”

“The Jedi way, I know. He can be a little overemotional sometimes.”

Again, Obi-Wan wondered what kind of Master he’d been, but it was possible that Anakin arriving at the Temple at such an old age meant there was only so much Obi-Wan could do.

“You told me once after you had a few too many drinks that Anakin had taught you how to be a better person. I think it would be a good idea to get to know him again.”

“So your opinion of me now is that I’m a bastard.”

She raised her eyebrows, and after a moment’s hesitation, she got up and sat next to him. “You’re probably just a little rough around the edges. I didn’t know you very well when I was the queen, but I certainly didn’t think you were a bastard.”

“I haven’t lost _all_ of my memories of the last 13 years, so I’m not the same person I was then.”

“Yes, Anakin told me. I can imagine it must be difficult to talk about what you’re going through with another Jedi since you broke the Code. If you want to talk, I’m here, and I can help fill in some of the gaps.”

Obi-Wan wasn’t very good at expressing himself verbally, but the sincerity in her eyes made him want to open up. Still, putting his fears out there for someone to dissect, even when that person meant him no harm, caused a chill to run through his body. He should start with a safe topic, one that wasn’t so personal. “How long after the Invasion of Naboo did we see each other again?”

“Ten years. I was being targeted for assassination, so you and Anakin were assigned to protect me. You ended up doing some investigating, so you went off to follow a lead on Kamino while Anakin accompanied me to Naboo.” She smiled mischievously. “I may have gotten Anakin to bend his orders a little so that we could help you on Geonosis.”

“I remember that!” he said excitedly. “Well, I remember getting captured after I stumbled upon a Separatist meeting. Oh, but that’s quite embarrassing.”

Senator Amidala huffed out a laugh as she laid her hand on his arm. “It happens to the best of us.”

He glanced down at her hand, which she promptly removed. The question of what their relationship actually was died in his throat. He would rather not know. “I remember Kamino as well, but I supposed that’s because Anakin wasn’t involved. Why were we drinking together?” He just couldn’t help himself. What if they had been on a _date_?

“You came to me to complain about Anakin since you figured I would understand. It wasn’t anything serious. I think you just wanted an excuse to let go a little, and you trusted me not to take advantage. You told me you hadn’t drunk that much since Anakin was a Padawan, and—oh!” Her eyes widened as she leaned away from him slightly. “I’m sorry! I hadn’t realized how this would all look to you. We aren’t a couple, just friends.”

His body sagged in relief. “Thank the Force. Not that you aren’t a catch, but I can only handle one transgression at a time right now.”

“No offense taken. Would you like something to drink?”

“Please.”

Getting drunk wouldn’t help him, but getting pleasantly buzzed with someone who was kind and nonjudgmental was very appealing. Obi-Wan had no desire to go back to the Temple just yet.

She led him to a different room that turned out to be an expansive veranda with a beautiful view of Coruscant’s skyline. He hadn’t taken the time to enjoy a sunset in years. When Obi-Wan finally pulled his eyes away from the vibrant colors, she held out a glass of dark blue liquor. He didn’t care what it was, but considering her taste in fashion and décor, it was probably expensive. “Thank you, Senator.”

“Call me Padmé. And before you ask, that was something I had to remind you to do many times.”

Obi-Wan smiled a little. “That does sound like me.” He took a sip, and it was as if he’d gotten punched in the face. He coughed mostly because he hadn’t been expecting the drink to be that strong. Amazingly, Padmé drank from her glass as if it was water. “Did you just play a prank on me?”

“Oh, no. This is from Naboo, and I’ve been drinking it since I was of legal age.” She smiled brightly as she swirled the liquid around in her glass. “I thought Anakin was going to die when he tried it, but he insisted he was fine. I found out he’s a light-weight the hard way.”

The couch was more plush than the one in the other room, and he had to be careful not to get too comfortable. “Does the Council know about how much time Anakin has spent with you?”

Her eyes widened briefly as she sat next to him, and Obi-Wan could feel her panic. “No, I— It’s just stress relief. The war affects us both in different ways. I like being around someone who doesn’t treat me as a senator but as a regular person, and I know he likes to spend time outside of the Temple. He doesn’t seem . . . ”

Obi-Wan paused in taking another sip. “Go ahead.”

She searched his eyes for something. Perhaps she thought he would go running to the Council. Eventually, she sighed and looked down at her lap. “He doesn’t seem very happy there, not lately anyway.”

“Why?” Obi-Wan had an idea what the answer was, but he wanted to hear it from someone who knew Anakin well.

“He doesn’t fit in, and he thinks the Council doesn’t trust him and appreciate what he’s done for the Republic. I’ve tried to tell him that there has to be some level of trust, or they wouldn’t give him such important missions. When Ani gets in a mood, it’s like everything goes in one ear and out the other.”

Obi-Wan perked up at the nickname. Just how close were they? Deciding he wanted to be alert, he put his drink down and angled himself toward her. “How often does _Ani_ get in a mood?”

Her face went pale as she looked at him. “I . . . His mother called him that when I met him, so the name stuck.”

That threw him off guard. Remembering what Anakin had told him about Qui-Gon finding him on Tatooine, more pieces were coming together. “It was your decoy on the ship, wasn’t it?”

“What?”

Of course she was confused. He’d given her no context. “Forgive me. My mind has been a little scattered these past few days. When we were taking you to Coruscant, we had to stop on Tatooine to get a part for the ship. The handmaiden that went with Qui-Gon and Jar-Jar was you.”

“Yes. Your memories of that time . . . Any event connected to Anakin must be so confusing to you. Does he mean anything to you at all?”

“Yes,” he said before he could stop himself. He hadn’t meant to reveal that, but she wasn’t a Jedi. She would probably understand, especially since she cared about Anakin. “My memories of him are gone, and our Force bond has been destroyed, but there’s still something connecting us. No matter what I want or what I think I should do, I feel drawn to Anakin.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Either the device didn’t work very well, or my attachment to him was just that strong. It’s frustrating.”

“Because you have a deep connection to someone you have no memories of?”

He nodded. “Also because it means I’m a terrible excuse for a Jedi.”

“It does not,” she said in a tone that meant there was no room for argument. “I’ve never agreed with that part of the Code. From the way you explained it to me, I think it started out as ‘don’t be possessive,’ and somewhere along the way, it turned into ‘no attachments whatsoever.’ It’s not healthy. That a Jedi created a device to mindwipe someone instead of giving them the choice to leave the Order is exceptionally cruel.”

“We all have the option to leave.” He held back a wince at how defensive that sounded. “The Jedi who created the device never intended for it to be used on someone against their will. From what I found in the Archives, it was to be used as a last resort on those who _wanted_ to be rid of their attachment. But there were unintended consequences, so it was banned after only being used once.”

There was fear in her eyes, like she was genuinely worried about him. Given how she was behaving around him and everything she’d said so far, she probably was. “What unintended consequences?”

“It damages your connection to the Force, and I’m hoping that damage isn’t permanent. You easily become disoriented from the memory loss itself since it’s not entire memories that are gone but pieces. Because of all that, it’s difficult for me to get a handle on my emotions. I do understand why the Council is holding me back, especially when they know what happened to the Knight it had been used on, but I still want to go out there and do my job.”

“What happened to that Knight?”

He looked away, unsure of how strong her reaction would be. “She took her own life.” He wished his strained connection to the Force meant he couldn’t sense other people’s emotions because Padmé’s fear and concern were almost unbearable. “Please, there’s no need to worry. I’m fine.”

“You don’t seem fine. Does Anakin know about this?”

“It was in the file we were given.” He wasn’t sure if Anakin was the type to actually read mission files, though.

Padmé rubbed her temples. “He probably didn’t tell me so I wouldn’t worry about you becoming suicidal.”

It was entirely possible Obi-Wan was looking at it wrong, but the more she spoke about Anakin, the more convinced he was that something was going on between them. Her reactions earlier were very suspicious. “You’re more than friends, aren’t you?” He hoped he didn’t sound accusatory.

Instead of panicking, she sighed and closed her eyes. “I guess a part of me thought you would understand, considering what happened to you.” Padmé downed the rest of her drink, which nearly made Obi-Wan gag, and she slumped into the back of the couch. She stared at her lap like she was afraid of what she’d see in his expression. “Can you please wait until Anakin returns?”

“Wait to do what? I’m not going to tell the Council.” He doubted they would care Anakin was in a relationship with someone. For all he knew, they’d been aware of it from the beginning and were looking the other way like they did with his own attachment to Anakin.

Her head snapped up, but her wide eyes only showed surprise, not disbelief. “Why not? You’re _on_ the Council.”

“I’m ‘temporarily’ suspended from it. Who knows if I’ll ever be cleared to go back to the front? They’ll always see me as unstable.” He didn’t bother masking the bitterness in his voice. Annoyed, he picked up his glass and drank as much as he could before the burning in his throat forced him to start coughing.

“Sorry. I overestimated how strong of a drink you can handle.”

Obi-Wan laughed as he wiped his eyes. “It’s alright. Obviously, I’m in need of a strong drink.”

“Please don’t turn to alcohol,” Padmé said as she touched his arm lightly.

He could understand why Anakin broke the Code for her much more than he could understand why Anakin broke the Code for him. Based on the memories he still had of Padmé and how she was acting now, of course someone like Anakin would want to be with her. But what did he have to offer? Or perhaps he was quite different before the memory loss. According to Padmé, he had thought he was a better person because of Anakin. If he couldn’t get his memories back, he doubted either of them would want anything to do with him.

Obi-Wan took her hand off of his arm and held it. “I promise I won’t, and I promise I won’t take my own life.” He gave her hand a squeeze before he let go. It was time to head back to the Temple.

Padmé stood and watched him as he put his robe on, opening and closing her mouth like she had something to say but didn’t know how to say it.

“What is it?”

“Oh, I . . . I just wanted to thank you for not telling on us. I know it puts you in an awkward position.”

“Not particularly. I don’t think the Council will be asking me about Anakin’s personal life when I have no memories of him.” He paused. “You said you’re willing to fill in the gaps.”

She followed him as he made his way back to the turbolift. “Of course.”

“Then could we meet again? Or if you’re too busy—”

“I can make time for you, Obi-Wan. I would still like us to be friends, if that’s okay with you.”

The sense of peace that washed over him was something he had only been able to accomplish once after hours of meditating, yet Padmé implying he was worth knowing even in his current state was enough to achieve it. He smiled at her. “I would like that as well.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. I know it’s short, but I wanted to get something posted. I have about half of the next chapter done, so I’m hoping it won’t be another 3 months before I update again.

Finally alone in her office, Padmé collapsed onto her chair and sighed. The day had been a waste as she was no closer to getting negotiations started than she was 12 days ago. Too few senators on both sides were willing to talk, but she wasn’t ready to give up. She just had to be more persuasive because if three years of death and destruction wasn’t enough to convince them, it was time to try a different approach.

Her comlink went off, and she grinned when she saw Anakin’s codename on the screen. “Hello, Ani. How’s the mission going?”

_“It’s fine. Any luck with the negotiations?”_

“No, but I’ll keep trying.” Padmé quickly changed the subject since their calls always got cut short. The news would cheer him up a little. “I spoke with Obi-Wan yesterday, and he doesn’t hate you. In fact, he still feels a connection between the two of you. He’s just a little disoriented, so if you give him time to adjust, I think you can be friends again.”

Anakin didn’t say anything at first, but she could picture his shoulders sagging in relief. Even if Obi-Wan never regained his memories, she knew Anakin still wanted him in his life. _“So I’m not a total disaster. Does he remember you at all?”_

“Bits and pieces. His clearest memories of me are from when we first met since that was before we found you on Tatooine. I’m going to help him make sense of what he does remember, and maybe you can do the same for the time when you were his Padawan.”

_“Yeah, that would be . . . I mean, if he actually wants to talk to me, of course I’ll help him.”_

She smiled at how hopeful Anakin sounded. “I know you said it felt like he was avoiding you, but I didn’t get the impression that he wants nothing to do with you. How much longer do you think it’ll be before you come back?”

_“No idea. They might give us another mission as soon as this one’s done. Obi-Wan was in charge of a lot, so him being held back means more work for the rest of us.”_

Anakin hadn’t said that as a complaint. It was more like he hadn’t known just how much Obi-Wan was responsible for. Padmé herself wasn’t entirely sure what all of his duties were. Obi-Wan wasn’t confident things could go back to how they were before, but maybe it would be better that way. If the Council had piled too many responsibilities onto Obi-Wan, it was time to spread it out. Based on what she knew, he was the type to suffer in silence, so even if it had been too much for him, he wouldn’t have come out and said it.

“Well, just keep me updated. Is there anything you’d like me to tell Obi-Wan when he comes over again?”

He took his time to answer. _“No. I’ll wait until I’m back at the Temple, assuming he’ll still be there.”_

Obi-Wan didn’t think he would be cleared for battle anytime soon, but Anakin could be away for months. She preferred to be optimistic. “I’m sure you won’t be gone that long. There’s one thing you should know—”

An alarm went off, and Anakin cursed under his breath. _“I’m sorry, but I have to go. I love you so much, and I can’t wait to see you again.”_

“I love you too, Ani.” She would have to tell him Obi-Wan knew about their relationship some other time.

\------

Dark circles were still under Obi-Wan’s eyes, but the smile he gave her in greeting had more life to it, so she hoped he was feeling a little better. Padmé didn’t bother asking him how he was doing since she knew he would say he was fine. She wondered if Obi-Wan’s stubbornness had rubbed off on Anakin or if it was the other way around.

“Would you like dessert? Anakin told me you have a sweet tooth, and I doubt that was something he brought on.”

Obi-Wan huffed out a laugh as he gave his robe to Threepio. “Has he told you all of my secrets?”

“I wasn’t aware that was a secret.” Even though he hadn’t answered her question, Padmé led him to the dining area. She hadn’t missed how he perked up at knowing there were treats waiting for him. “And you didn’t actually tell him much about yourself. He had to figure a lot of it out on his own, and I’m sure he got some of it wrong.”

“Well, at least he doesn’t know the embarrassing stories of my youth. Oh, I’ve never seen those before.” His focus was on the plate of tiny, blue cakes. “Let me guess, from Naboo?”

“Yes. I like to have pieces of home in my apartment.”

Obi-Wan grabbed a dessert plate and one of the cakes. “I’m sure you miss it.”

“Of course.” Him finishing the cake in two bites made Padmé worry that he hadn’t eaten dinner, but she would sound like her mother if she brought it up. “I miss my family the most. It’s been almost a year since I’ve seen them.”

Once he sat at the table, Obi-Wan took a few more cakes and poured himself a cup of tea. It was rather cute that he sniffed it before taking a sip.

Padmé sat down across from him. “That’s also from Naboo. Qwoberry tea goes well with shoo cakes.”

“I have to agree with that,” he said with a smile.

They ate in comfortable silence for a few minutes. Padmé wanted him to pick a topic, but it was likely he didn’t know where to start. “What are you most curious about?”

His expression went blank as he ate the last of his sixth cake. After he finished his tea, he held the cup between his hands and stared at it. “I shouldn’t want to know.”

She’d never heard him speak so softly, and it worried her that he was still berating himself for having an attachment. Did the Order pound it into his head that much, or was it that Obi-Wan held himself up to an impossible standard? Anakin didn’t feel guilty about his own attachments, but he hadn’t grown up in the Temple from infancy. For the first time, Padmé wondered what Obi-Wan’s childhood had been like and what kind of Master Qui-Gon had been.

“There’s nothing wrong with wanting to know about someone who was important to you.” Obi-Wan didn’t look up at her, but since he didn’t tell her she had the wrong idea, she continued. “Anakin was more than just your former Padawan. He was your friend. And you were his best friend. Although he complained about you often, he still loved you.”

That love went beyond platonic, but she doubted Anakin had figured that out. Honestly, Padmé wasn’t sure who he would have lost his memories of if he had been the one to touch the device. She knew Anakin’s love for her was genuine, but he had more history with Obi-Wan, and even now, she barely got to spend any time with her husband. Before his memory loss, Obi-Wan had known Anakin better than she did. What if he asked her a question about Anakin that she didn’t know how to answer?

“Are you alright?”

Padmé quickly blinked back her tears, horrified that she was getting so emotional in front of him. “I’m fine. Tell me what you want to know.”

He looked at her with a slight frown, almost like he was debating if he should press the issue. “How often do you actually get to see Anakin?”

She really didn’t want to talk about that, but avoiding the subject would only make Obi-Wan more concerned. “Because of the war, I see him maybe a few days every other month. Sometimes, he’s helping Ahsoka, so even when he is on Coruscant . . . ” It was no use. Her lower lip began to tremble, and a tear slipped out. She tried to wipe it away discreetly, but she knew he had noticed.

“I’m sorry.” Obi-Wan held his hand out as if he was trying to calm a frightened animal. Without the experience of dealing with Anakin, who craved physical contact as a source of comfort, he was probably unsure of how to handle the situation. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“It’s not your fault. I got myself upset by thinking about how I don’t actually know my husband very well.”

She never thought the war would last as long as it had, and as the years went by, the more she wished they hadn’t rushing into marriage. She loved Anakin, but at the same time, she didn’t really _know_ him. How could she when they had only spent maybe two months in total with each other? Although Padmé tried not to let that bother her, she wasn’t sure if she could last another year of having a secret relationship and barely seeing her husband.

Obi-Wan sat up straight, his hand dropping to the table. “You’re married? Since when?”

She rubbed her eyes in exhaustion. _Right. He didn’t know we had taken it that far._ At least there was a good chance he wouldn’t say anything to the Council. “Since the start of the war. Please don’t think terribly of him. I know he’s breaking the Code, but he still does his duty as a Jedi.”

He was silent for a moment, but it was a good sign that he wasn’t frowning at her. Instead, he looked as tired as she felt. “I won’t tell the Council, but I will speak to Anakin about it.” He paused. “It’s likely that I’ll never regain my memories. Do you think he’ll be too upset by that to even want to be near me?”

Although Obi-Wan was obviously going for casual, the flash of pain in his eyes gave him away. She couldn’t give him all of the answers he wanted, but she could at least ease that one worry. “No. He would be upset if you told him you want nothing to do with him. Anakin still wants to be in your life, and he’d be thrilled to hear you say you still want to be in his, but you’ll actually have to tell him that. He prefers words when it comes to how people feel about him.” That hadn’t been Obi-Wan’s strong suit in the past, and she doubted that had changed, but giving him that information would help him begin to understand how best to interact with Anakin.

“Alright. I’ll try.” He wiped his mouth with a napkin and folded his hands on the table. “I don’t want to upset you further, so I’ll ask Anakin himself. Is there anything I can do for you? I’d like to return the favor.”

“I feel like I haven’t actually helped you very much.”

His smile was an uncomfortable reminder of how handsome he was. She didn’t think Anakin would appreciate her thoughts drifting back to her crush on a brave, young Obi-Wan all those years ago. His jealousy was something they still had to talk about, especially since she didn’t have a problem with his feelings for Obi-Wan.

“You have.”

Maybe what he really needed was a friend, not just someone who could answer his questions. She returned the smile as she leaned forward. “Well, I could use an outside opinion on some negotiations I’m trying to set up.”

He perked up a little. Being denied the chance to help with the war effort was probably bothering him. “Then you’ll be pleased to know my diplomacy skills are intact.”

Padmé hoped he was wrong about never regaining his memories, but considering he had to have done a lot of research on it, there probably wasn’t a way to reverse it. Her heart broke for Obi-Wan. He was a good man who didn’t deserve what had happened to him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may end up posting shorter chapters just so there aren’t large gaps between updates, but I also thought this was a good place to stop.

For once, Anakin didn’t want to talk with the Chancellor. He just wanted to find Obi-Wan and see if their friendship could be salvaged. Maybe in the month since he last saw Obi-Wan, some of his memories were beginning to return, or maybe if Anakin told him about his Padawan years, something would come to him. Padmé would have told him if there was even a little improvement, but Obi-Wan might not have told her if there had been. It wasn’t like the two of them had ever been close friends, so it made sense that Obi-Wan would keep certain things to himself. That fact was what kept Anakin hopeful because a month of no change at all was . . . At least Padmé said Obi-Wan was in a good mood despite not being allowed to return to his post yet.

“Anakin, my boy! How are you? I heard the mission was a success.”

At the Chancellor’s kindness, Anakin felt a little guilty for wanting to be elsewhere. The Chancellor always made time for him and liked to check in after a particularly grueling mission, which he certainly didn’t have to do. Anakin hoped his smile didn’t look forced. “I’m good. How are you?”

They exchanged their usual amount of small talk, but it was a little rushed, like the Chancellor was busy and needed to move on. That was strange because it wasn’t Anakin’s idea to go to his office.

“I heard Master Kenobi is being held back. He’s one of our best generals. Is he ill?”

So that was the reason for their meeting. Anakin caught himself before he said Obi-Wan was _the_ best general. Now wasn’t the time to gush about his former Master. “No, but there was an accident with an old Jedi device, and the Council is holding him back just to make sure there aren’t any other side-effects. I’m sure he’ll be sent out soon.” After all, they were already stretched too thin.

“What sort of accident?” the Chancellor asked lightly.

“Well, he . . . ” Anakin looked down at his lap. Was it his place to reveal something so personal about Obi-Wan? Then again, the Chancellor didn’t agree with a lot of Jedi doctrine, so he wouldn’t think badly of Obi-Wan. “He lost his memories of me because I was his biggest attachment.” Anakin wasn’t ever going to use the terminology the other Jedi used because Obi-Wan’s attachment to him hadn’t been dangerous.

The Chancellor sat back in his chair, eyes wide, and it took him a moment to speak. “Oh, Anakin. You must be devastated.”

He shrugged. “I’m not as upset as I was weeks ago.” And that was the truth. He stopped drowning in pain after finding out Obi-Wan still felt some kind of connection to him.

“But he must be treating you like you’re a total stranger.”

His tone made Anakin tense up. The concern was there, but he swore he could detect a hint of excitement. Anakin couldn’t think of any reason why he would be happy about Obi-Wan’s predicament because even with all the complaining Anakin had done over the years, he made it obvious that he thought the galaxy of Obi-Wan. The more he concentrated on the Chancellor, the more confused he became, but the Chancellor had always been difficult to read in the Force, which was odd for someone who wasn’t Force-sensitive. More than once, a chill had run up Anakin’s spine when he’d spent time with the Chancellor, but since he had to rely on what he was seeing and hearing, he couldn’t figure out why it had happened.

“He isn’t,” Anakin said slowly, “and at least it proves that he really did care about me.”

“It proves he was attached to you, but you don’t know what the nature of that attachment was. It could have been— Well, I suppose it doesn’t matter now.”

Why was he trying to twist it into something ugly? Did he just not like Obi-Wan? All those years when he took Anakin’s side could have been due to his bias against Obi-Wan and not because he truly thought Anakin had been treated unfairly. But Anakin didn’t want to think about it anymore. He just wanted to go to the Temple.

“If that was all, I really need to get going. I still have to give my report to the Council.” He nearly cringed at how transparent that excuse was. The Chancellor knew he hated giving reports. “Plus, there are some other things I have to take care of.” _Like that made it any better._

The Chancellor only smiled at him and gestured to the door. “Then I won’t keep you. I’m glad you’re doing well, Anakin, and if you ever need to talk, I’m here.”

“Thank you, Your Excellency.” Anakin bowed before he walked out as casually as he could.

He made it to the Temple in record time, but when he reached out to locate Obi-Wan, it was like getting slapped. They didn’t have a bond anymore. Anakin did his best to move beyond the pain, and walked toward the turbolift that would take him to the wing where the Masters lived. Reaching out into the Force while surrounded by other Force-sensitives was pointless, so Anakin would start with Obi-Wan’s quarters before going to his favorite spots. Granted, Obi-Wan’s favorite places to go in the Temple could be different now, but he’d rather do that than ask around if anyone had seen him. Anakin didn’t want to draw attention to himself, not when he was supposed to be going up to the Council Chamber.

It felt like it took over an hour before he found Obi-Wan in one of the gardens. He was meditating, which wasn’t a surprise, but he was tucked out of view as if he didn’t want anyone to see him. Anakin figured that if Obi-Wan was so ashamed, he would have just stayed in his room to meditate.

“Hello, Anakin,” Obi-Wan said with his eyes still closed.

He wasn’t trying to sneak up on Obi-Wan, but he had no idea how the man knew it was him without looking. A spark of hope filled his chest, but it quickly vanished when Obi-Wan spoke again.

“You’re so strong in the Force that I’m not sure you could ever hide yourself completely.” He stood up slowly, wincing. Just how long had he been sitting there?

“I keep saying you should take something to help those old man joints of yours.” It was the sort of teasing remark he made often, and as soon as it slipped out, Anakin froze, bracing himself for a glare or a cutting admonition. But he got neither. Instead, Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow as a corner of his lips quirked upwards.

“Why do I get the feeling you’ve been calling me old for many years?”

“I don’t actually mean it,” Anakin replied, smiling. “We used to poke fun at each other all the time.”

Obi-Wan looked up at the sky and took a deep breath through his nose, his body visibly relaxing on the exhale. Anakin hadn’t even noticed he’d tensed up. “Do you have time to talk?”

He hoped it was a good sign that Obi-Wan was the one reaching out. As long as Padmé hadn’t misread him, it shouldn’t be anything to get nervous over. “Yeah. I was actually looking for you.”

“Then let’s go where we won’t be overheard.”

Anakin had so many questions, and it was difficult to keep them to himself as they slowly made their way to Obi-Wan’s quarters. Having to constantly shorten his stride was frustrating. Even though they were roughly the same height, Anakin’s legs were longer, so he naturally walked faster. It took him until they were in the turbolift to understand what had happened. Over the years, Obi-Wan had gradually sped up his own pace to match Anakin’s. Anakin remembered his Master telling him to slow down after he hit his growth spurt, to not always be in such a rush, but Anakin explained that he couldn’t help it. It was just how he walked, and walking slower didn’t feel right. He hadn’t even noticed that Obi-Wan stopped saying anything about it. To anyone else, it would be an insignificant revelation, but to Anakin, it was more evidence that Obi-Wan had cared about him. What else had he missed?

“You seem to be deep in thought,” Obi-Wan said just before the doors opened.

“No, I—” He knew it would sound stupid if he told him, so he tucked his arms into the sleeves of his robe and focused on matching Obi-Wan’s pace. Thankfully, Obi-Wan didn’t prompt him to continue.

His quarters didn’t look any different, which was both a relief and a stab to the heart. The small wind-up toy Anakin had made for him when he was 12 still sat on the shelf next to the large rock that Obi-Wan had refused to tell the story behind. Maybe Obi-Wan hadn’t noticed it, and that was why he hadn’t thrown it out yet.

“That’s from you, isn’t it?” Obi-Wan asked as he pointed at the toy.

“I made it out of scrap metal and spare parts.” He sat on one of the meditation cushions on the floor without taking his robe off. As childish as it was, having something to hide in made Anakin feel a little less vulnerable. “It was after a mission on Hosnian Prime. I complained about how boring it was the whole time, and I could tell I was testing your patience by the end. You looked like you either wanted to explode or sleep for a week. I felt bad about it when we got back to the Temple, so I made that for you as an apology.”

Obi-Wan stared at the toy for a minute before he sat down on the cushion in front of Anakin. “That’s a strange way to apologize.”

Anakin shrugged as he looked at the floor. “I like making things, but I’d never made something for you, so I just thought . . . ” His face felt hot. Obi-Wan had to be thinking he was a lousy Jedi, being so obviously attached to him ever since he was a kid.

“I’m not sure why you’re embarrassed. I did keep it, after all.”

The casual way Obi-Wan said that loosened the knot in Anakin’s stomach. Obi-Wan would probably feel like a hypocrite if he chastised Anakin for his attachment. Then again, Obi-Wan had been a hypocrite for years. The only difference now was that they _both_ knew that, so it was pointless for Obi-Wan to pretend otherwise.

Anakin looked back up at him with a renewed sense of hope. “Do you remember the first time I beat you in a sparring match? You swore you didn’t let me win, and you treated me to gelatin cakes afterward. Remember? We had agreed before the match that the loser would treat the winner to whatever dessert they wanted.”

Obi-Wan frowned slightly. “Anakin, I don’t remember any of that. My memories of you will _never_ return.”

He stopped breathing as ice traveled through his veins. The memories would come back eventually. They had to.

“All of my research pointed to this being permanent, but at least my connection with the Force is starting to improve.”

“But-but that could mean you’re getting better. Your memories might not be erased. They could just be stored in a place you can’t reach. If you focus—”

“Don’t you think I’ve tried?” Obi-Wan ran a hand through his hair as he slouched forward a little. “It’s not as if I’m happy about forgetting a large chunk of my life.”

Eyes wide, Anakin shot up onto his knees. He desperately wanted to pace the room. “But you don’t know what to focus on! If I give you detailed information about your lost memories, maybe it’ll start to come back to you. You just need to give it time!”

“No, Anakin! You need to accept that this is just the way it is!” He stopped and massaged his left temple, which meant he was trying to compose himself. It was something he did often during Anakin’s teenage years. “And if you can’t,” he said evenly, “if all you’ll do is hope I’ll remember, I don’t want any further contact with you.”

Anakin sat back down and wrapped his robe around himself tightly. As much as Obi-Wan was trying to hide it, Anakin had hurt him. He was being so selfish that he was making it sound like Obi-Wan wouldn’t matter to him if he couldn’t remember their time together. Even though the last thing Anakin wanted to do was destroy whatever connection there still was between them, he always had trouble with letting go. But he wouldn’t have to let him go. Obi-Wan was right in front of him, and he wanted Anakin to be his friend. At least, that was what Padmé thought.

They would just have to start over.

With a small smile, Anakin reached his hand out to Obi-Wan. “Hi. I’m Anakin. It’s nice to meet you.”

Obi-Wan blinked as he stared at him, but a warm smile eventually spread across his face. “Hello, Anakin,” he said as he took his hand. “I’m Obi-Wan. It’s nice to meet you as well.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Hanukkah and Merry Christmas!

His anxiety began to melt away after their “introductions.” Obi-Wan hadn’t been sure if Anakin could ever detach himself from who he used to be, but his acceptance seemed genuine, especially since Padmé had told him Anakin was a terrible liar. She’d also said there was a chance his old self had actually known about Anakin’s relationship with her. He almost dreaded bringing that up since he had no idea what kind of reaction he’d get.

“If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask,” Anakin said as he got more comfortable on the meditation cushion.

_I might as well get it over with._ “How long were you planning on keeping your marriage a secret?” When the blood drained from Anakin’s face, Obi-Wan shook his head. “I’m not going to tell the Council, but I would like an answer to my question. You can’t be both a husband and a Jedi.”

Anakin looked away as he hunched in on himself. “I know,” he whispered. “We never thought the war would last this long, and getting a surprise Padawan meant I had to stay longer. I wouldn’t abandon Ahsoka.”

“How was she a surprise? You didn’t ask for her?”

“No. It’s . . . complicated, but I don’t regret taking her on.” Anakin looked at him with a lopsided smile as he started to relax again. “You were sort of her Master too. I mean, you called her ‘our Padawan.’”

Obi-Wan had wondered why he didn’t take another Padawan after Anakin, but maybe that was the reason. Knowing Ahsoka had been close with him meant he should make the effort to get to know her as well, if that was what she wanted. He’d only met her once, so he hadn’t been able to get a good read on her. It didn’t help that his mind was too scattered at the time.

“And to answer your question . . . I was thinking of saying something after the war, but even though I have my issues with the Order, I like being able to help people. I’m still not sure if I want to leave.” He let out a gusty sigh as he buried his hand in his hair and yanked on it. “You must be so disappointed to have someone like me as your former Padawan.”

“Anakin, if I was a proper Jedi myself, I would still remember you. I only hope you’re like this because of your life prior to coming to the Temple and not because I set a horrible example.”

Anakin shook his head vigorously. “You tried to teach me to let go of my attachments, and you hid your own _very_ well. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Obi-Wan doubted that. What kind of Master had he been? He would never expect his Padawan to be the perfect Jedi, but going so far as to marry someone was unforgivable. If he _had_ known about their relationship, why hadn’t he said anything to the Council? _That’s a stupid question. I was so attached to him that I didn’t want him to be kicked out._ What made less sense was that he hadn’t spoken to Anakin about it, told him to break it off.

“You know,” Anakin said as he propped his chin on his hand, “accidentally activating a device is more my style than yours.”

Although nothing was resolved, Obi-Wan welcomed the change in subject. “Well, I had gotten into quite a bit of trouble as a youngling and as a junior Padawan, so it’s not all that surprising.”

Anakin sat up straight with a grin. “I’m gonna need some examples.”

He supposed he hadn’t told Anakin about his youth so that he could maintain his image of a good role model, but there wasn’t any harm in telling him now. “I was involved in a prank war when I was an Initiate, but it ended when a trap I had set for Quinlan didn’t go as planned.”

“What happened?”

“Master Windu had walked into it instead. He was a Knight at the time, but he was still rather imposing, so I was terrified when I saw him get dosed in water before being covered in bellu powder.” Obi-Wan smiled as he pictured the look on his face. Because Mace couldn’t get the smell out of his robe, he ended up asking for a new one.

Anakin laughed. “I wish I could have seen that! Wow, if I had pulled a prank on Master Windu, even by accident, he’d throw me off the top of the tallest spire.”

His smile vanished immediately. He knew Anakin was exaggerating, but there was a dark tone beneath it. “What makes you say that?”

“He hates me. Always has,” Anakin said simply.

Obi-Wan jolted back slightly at how direct that answer was. “I greatly doubt that.”

“No, he does. He’s been looking at me with suspicion ever since I first stepped into the Council chamber. It’s like what you said on the day we met. I’m ‘dangerous.’”

Obi-Wan couldn’t imagine saying that to a child, especially when he had only just met them. There had to be something else to it. Otherwise, why would he have taken Anakin as his Padawan? “I actually told you that?”

Looking down, Anakin hid his hands in his sleeves. “Well, I heard you say it to Qui-Gon. ‘The boy is dangerous. They all sense it. Why can’t you?’” He glanced up at Obi-Wan before saying quietly, “Or something like that.”

The pain in his voice over something that was said more than a decade ago didn’t surprise Obi-Wan. What did surprise him was that he himself had thought Anakin shouldn’t be trained. What changed his mind? He was afraid to ask, lest Anakin retreat inside himself even more. Perhaps Master Yoda would know since Obi-Wan would have needed his permission to train anyone.

Something Anakin had said during their first conversation came back to him. As much as he didn’t want to hurt Anakin, he wanted to understand how it all started. Padmé told him he’d taken Anakin in soon after Naboo was freed, but the confusion over those few days was irritating. “Is that why you thought I hated you in the beginning?”

Anakin looked at him with wide eyes, and he didn’t speak for some time. “I . . . Just forget I said anything. I have a big mouth sometimes.”

If Obi-Wan had started off badly the first time, he needed to make sure it didn’t happen again, but he also didn’t want to upset Anakin further. He would let it go for now.

“Hey, do you know when they’ll clear you for duty?” Anakin asked as he perked up a little.

It was almost as if Anakin had read his mind since that was the next topic he wanted to bring up. “Actually, they cleared me this morning after I spoke with Master Yoda the other day, but they refuse to let me go on a mission on my own. They probably want someone to keep an eye on me.”

Anakin smiled, and it was like their previous conversation had never happened. “I’ll ask them about it when I give my report.”

“You haven’t done that yet?”

He shrugged. “I hate giving verbal reports to the Council.”

Knowing he didn’t get along with them, that made sense. Obi-Wan also had the feeling that Anakin wasn’t much for following the rules. _Just like Qui-Gon._ His own Master would have done a better job with Anakin, and he certainly wouldn’t have gotten attached. After all, he hadn’t gotten attached to Obi-Wan.

“Um . . . ” Anakin fidgeted a little as he looked at the floor. “If you still want to know about our history together, I did start making a list of all the most important events of the last 13 years. It’ll take a while to finish since I need to provide a lot of context.”

Relying solely on one person’s memory, especially when they were young at the time, wasn’t ideal, but he wasn’t going to ask any other Jedi about what kind of pair they were. He would probably get disapproving looks just for being curious about the person he had been so attached to.

“Thank you. I would appreciate that.”

Anakin glanced up at him and smiled shyly. “I should get going. They must be really annoyed with me for taking so long.”

Now that Anakin had calmed down, Obi-Wan realized he didn’t want him to leave. The threads between them almost seemed to glow in the Force.

“But before I go, I’d like to ask you something.” He fidgeted with the end of his sleeve as he took a deep breath. “It helped during battle, and maybe it would help keep your connection to the Force stable, if that’s still a problem you’re having.”

Although Obi-Wan was able to use the Force as he once had, he still struggled on occasion, and drawing the Force to him during meditation was still much more difficult than it should have been. Of course, he hadn’t disclosed any of that to Yoda.

“Go ahead.”

“Would you mind if we reestablished our Force bond?” Anakin asked in a rush.

Obi-Wan had been waiting for him to bring that up. Having a Force bond ripped away so violently, especially one that had been active for over a decade, had to have been traumatic for Anakin. Although Obi-Wan didn’t feel its loss, he didn’t see the harm in having that sort of connection. Anakin was right in that it could help him, and he was so tired of struggling. From what he knew about his former Padawan, there wouldn’t be any judgment in accepting that help. Instead, it was highly likely Anakin would be overjoyed.

“I wouldn’t mind.” He winced as he was hit with waves of happiness, relief, and excitement after Anakin’s shields dropped. How had he dealt with Anakin’s strength in the Force before the boy had learned to construct mental shielding? “But we’ll take care of that later,” he said as he gestured to the door. “I don’t want you to be in any more trouble than you already are.”

“Sure, okay.” Anakin stood, grinning so widely that his cheeks had to hurt. “Maybe after we grab some dinner at the cafeteria?”

His immediate thought was he didn’t want them to be seen acting friendly with each other, but he knew that couldn’t be avoided. People were already talking anyway, so what did it matter? Obi-Wan didn’t want to hurt Anakin any more than he already had by acting like he was ashamed of him. If the Council advised him against being friends with Anakin, he would just say it was easier to make sense of his memories if he found out what he was actually missing.

“Alright.”

Obi-Wan didn’t know how it was possible, but Anakin looked even happier.

Minutes after Anakin left, his datapad beeped. Padmé had sent him a message. It hadn’t exactly surprised him when he found out they used to message each other, but none of the logs had been saved. He considered changing her contact name from the formal “Senator Amidala” to “Padmé,” but he ultimately decided against it in case he ever had to send a chat log to the Council.

_Senator Amidala:: I heard Anakin is back. Did you talk?_

_Kenobi:: We did, and it went well. How did it go this morning?_

_Senator Amidala:: Better than I’d hoped. I managed to get enough senators on my side that there’s going to be an official meeting to discuss negotiations. Thank you so much for your help._

He smiled. Talking strategy with her had really lifted his spirits not just because it made him feel useful. Being around Padmé had a calming effect on him, mostly because of how easily they got along and her lack of expectations. Never in his life had he thought he would much rather spend his time with a senator than with Yoda.

_Kenobi:: You’re very welcome. If you want to run anything by me, just let me know, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to help in person. I’ve finally been cleared for battle._

_Senator Amidala:: I won’t say I’m happy about that because it means you’ll be put in danger again, but I’m glad you’ll start to feel more like yourself._

Obi-Wan certainly hoped he would. However, knowing his luck, he would be sent with a Jedi who would scrutinize his every word and action, and he’d be on edge for the entire mission. Just thinking about it made him tired.

_Senator Amidala:: I’m here if you ever need to talk._

He had no idea what he did to deserve her friendship.

_Kenobi:: Thank you._


End file.
